Starkit's Prophecy (a fanfic of a fanfic)
by Stargone
Summary: There is a new prophecy, about a new Starkit. But, seriously, she wonders, why did her mom name her Starkit? Now she is cursed to become a great leader, the next Starkit, but...what if she doesn't want to? (T for language and some mild offensiveness)
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Starkit's Prophecy. All rights belong to xdarkrosesx. This is a fanfic of a fanfic. :P I'm feeling a little writer's block, so...**

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Allegiances:

GoodClan

Leader: Piestar—Dark brown tabby tom with splotches of coconut cream pie all over him.

Apprentice, Pleasepaw

Deputy: Bigbird—bright yellow tom with fluffy feathers.

Medicine Cat: Noknowledge—pale pink she-cat with enormous blue eyes.

Warriors:

You'restupid—orange tom with thick black stripes and googly eyes.

Apprentice, Thankyoupaw

Quaileggs—white tom with light blue-gray speckles and smooth, hairless skin.

Bookpage—Crinkly white tom with fluttery pages and words written all over him.

Lookoverthere—pale ginger she-cat with eyes so huge they take up her entire face.

Airhorn—white-and-gray dappled tom with a really, really loud scream.

Apprentice, Hairpaw

Littletiny—an exceptionally small white she-cat.

Zebrahoof—Black-and-white striped tom with big, clumsy hooves.

Photograph—a black-and-white she-cat with photos all over her.

Superhero—bright red tom with a blue cape and tights and a big blue SH on his chest.

Bubblegum—chewy pink she-cat with big gooey pink eyes who can blow bubbles out of her skin.

Apprentice, Snackpaw

Pretzeltail—brown tom with silver-white grains of salt and a twisted tail.

Reallycool—ginger tom with handsome, sweeping fur and a handsome, sweeping tail and beautiful green eyes.

Apprentices:

Pleasepaw—cream-colored she-cat gently dappled with brown spots.

Thankyoupaw—Pleasepaw's brother; brown tom dappled with cream flecks.

Snackpaw—very fat white tom with brown splotches.

Hairpaw—ginger tabby she-cat with a beautiful head of blond hair.

Queens:

Momface—calico she-cat with one white paw who is always pregnant.

Nokits—crabby gray she-cat with cruel yellow eyes, never pregnant, always a queen.

Kits:

Baconkit—crispy, meaty red tom with big brown eyes.

:)kit—yellow she-kit with a big smile and tiny dot eyes.

Jokekit—white, green, and red she-kit with a diamond-patterned body.

Starkit—the ancient kit of prophecy—purple she-kit with orange polka-dots and a big white star on her forehead; kaleidoscope eyes.

Unmentionablekit—invisible tom.

Elders:

Mypurposeistotellyoustories—very old tom with fur that's turning white.

Gandalfwish—old gray tom with a wizard hat and staff.

BadClan

Leader: Clawstar—black tom with very long claws and red eyes.

Deputy: Killscats—white tom with splashes of red blood all over his paws and fur.

Medicine Cat: Buttface—a silver tom with a face where his butt should be and a butt where his face should be.

Apprentice, Silentpaw

Warriors:

Tigerclaw—Tigerclaw's cardboard cutout, carried around for intimidation purposes.

Ruthlesstooth—dark ginger tom with purple eyes.

Apprentice, Giantpaw

Lostheart—an attractive white she-cat with no heart and blue eyes.

Apprentice, Dreampaw

Watermelon—a green tom with paler green stripes and fleshy pink eyes.

Dirtytongue—brown tabby she-cat who swears a lot and ahs neat white paws.

Deadface—dark brown tom with huge yellow eyes.

Apprentice, Murderpaw

Bloodclaw—pale gray tom with blood all over his claws.

Apprentice, Pimplepaw

Redhanded—white she-cat with red paws.

Biteyou—bloody-mouthed she-cat with glowing evil eyes.

Sharpcry—angry silver tabby.

Apprentice, Sadpaw

Apprentices:

Giantpaw—white and brown tabby tom with red eyes.

Sadpaw—small, droopy-faced ginger she-cat.

Pimplepaw—pink-and-red tom with tons of pimples.

Murderpaw—dark brown she-cat with pale speckles.

Silentpaw—pitch-black tom with one foggy white eye who never speaks.

Queens:

Kitmaker—ginger tabby she-cat with white patches and green eyes; Clawstar's mate.

Kits:

Rawkit—red tom with white paws.

Vampirekit—black tuxedo tom with long sharp fangs.

Absurdkit—pretty silver she-kit with big rainbow eyes.

Awkwardkit—light brown tortoiseshell tom; deaf.

Elders:

Barelyalive—dark brown tabby she-cat with graying fur and thick black stripes, wizened and nearly dead.

Prologue

"I see it," murmured Piestar, "a prophecy!"

"I don't see anything," complained Noknowledge.

"Shut up!" hissed Piestar, "or our great ancestors won't tell us anything!"

"Te one f ancint profesy is cumin," moaned a mystical voice.

"What was that!" Piestar gasped in awe.

"Te 1 we call StarKitGleamStar," the voice continued. "She well cum too U and save the Calns!"

"Whoa!" Piestar gasped some more.

"I don't hear anything," whined Noknowledge.

"Shh!" snapped Piestar. "Our ancestors are speaking to me!"

"Once their wer fore Calns, butt ten they spit up. Now theire our only 2."

"Yeah, so?" said Piestar, waiting for them to tell him more.

"Well, u have herd of StarGleam, rite?"

"Yeah, who hasn't?" Piestar's eyes took on a faraway look. "The most beautiful and kawaii she-cat in all the world of clans…"

"Ur ansester," the mystical voice supplied helpfully. "So, shes gonna b re-born. Starkitpaw wil cum agen."

"Oh, that makes sense," Piestar agreed. "Thanks for telling us! We'll let Momface know she has to name one of her kits Starkit. Bye!"

Clawstar, who'd been listening in on the conversation, put down the telephone and laughed evilly. "You may have the new Starkit, but we'll get her, just you wait!" he cackled.


	2. Rise of a (Reluctant) Heroine

**WARNING: the following chapter contains a few extreme swear words. Sorry.**

 **ps thx al 4 the gr8 revews!**

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Chapter 1: The Rise of a (Reluctant) Heroine

"Starkit, wake up!"

Starkit opened her eyes. She didn't want to get up. She knew it would just be another day of cats annoying her.

"Look, Momface!" said Baconkit. "Starkit wock up!"

The three kits laughed.

Starkit groaned. "It's not funny, guys."

"Ohmygosh, it's my seremony today!" squealed Jokekit. That cracked them up again.

Momface's mommy face was stern. "Kits, don't make fun of Starkit. One day, she'll be the leader of our clan. And look at how kawaii she is!"

Jokekit laughed. "What a joke," she said.

"Yeah!" said :)kit.

Starkit glared around at her siblings and flicked outside. She glared at her paws. "Why can't you just run like a normal cat?!" she yelled at herself in frustration. "Why do you have to keep flicking all the time?!"

Her paws whined, "You're Starkit!"

"Shut up!" Starkit growled. "I dont want too b remnded, or ten ill stat taking lick her to!" She growled angrily as she realized she'd started doing it already. It always happened when she was upset! She lashed her tail, scowling.

"Hey, Starkit!" her clanmates started calling, ogling at her with their mouths hanging open. "You are so kawaii!"

"Shut up!" she yelled back angrily. She closed her kaleidoscope eyes and tried not to cry.

"Kits! Come to me!" called Piestar.

Starkit looked up at Piestar from where he sat on the leg. She saw her siblings gathering beneath him and sighed. She padded over.

Piestar took a deep breath and began in the fashion of the ancient cats of old. "Kits, it s tome for you to become apentices," he said. "Starkit, your a strong brave cat and because of that I will mentor with you."

Starkit wanted to die.

Everyone cheered.

"Other kits," Piestar continued, "Pretzeltail, Zebrahoof, and Lookoverthere will mentor with you."

"What about Unmentionablekit?" asked Lookoverthere, her eyes rolling in circles.

"Shh, you're not supposed to mention him!" hissed Piestar.

"Oh, right!" whispered Lookoverthere.

"WAIT!" yelled Starkit, who was now Starpaw, who had just realized something. "Piestar, you already HAVE an apentice! You have Pleasepaw!" She smiled, relieved that she wouldn't be mentoring with the leader like the ancient Starkit.

"Oh," said Piestar, "yeah." He thought about this. "Well, who cares?" he said at last. "I can have two apentices, right?"

The clan nodded. "Yeah, that seems OK," they mumbled.

"Great!" Piestar padded down. "Starkit, can I like your shoulder?"

"NOOOO!" Starkit screamed. "This isn't fair!" she raged. "Why do I have to be just like the old Starkit? That Starkit was very offensive!"

"But she was kawaii," said Piestar.

Starkit closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Fine," she said through gritted teeth. "ill bee ur stupid StarKit!" She marched off to the apprentice's den in a huff.

The apprentices were all waiting for her, eyes wide.

"Which one of us can be your Jazzpaw?" asked Snackpaw, pulling a Cheeto out of his fur to munch and looking hopeful.

"You gotta pick one of us," trilled Hairpaw, tossing her magnificent, glamorous hair. "And it can't be one of your siblings."

"I don't need a Jazzpaw," snapped Starpaw, annoyed.

"Yeah you do. You're Starkit!" Hairpaw tossed her hair again. "I'll be the perfect Jazzpaw. Pick me!"

"I'm actually Starpaw," Starpaw corrected.

"Yeah, whatever. Now, c'mon! Let me be your Jazzpaw!"

Starpaw opened her mouth to yell NO SHE WOULDN'T LET ANYONE BE HER ANYTHING but just then, her sister :)kit ran in and yelled, "Starkit, Starkit! We have important news!"

"Wut!" Starpaw whirled around, her eyes wide.

"You have received your first flam!" :)kit beamed.

"Wut? Noo!" Starpaw squeaked, her eyes growing wider. "Noo flams!"

"Yes! Here it is!" :)kit cleared her throat and read: " 'Are u a fucking ass ho! U bitch stop copying Erin hunter! U mixed up all the beautiful cat names!' "

Everyone cheered, but Starpaw was horrified.

"She's right," Starpaw moaned. "This is crap…"

"You're suppose to say 'I bet you can't write something as good as this!'"

"But that's the problem! The probably can," Starpaw whimpered.

"You are Starkit! You are the anicient prophesied one! You are kawaii! And you have just been awarded your first flam! Be happy!" :)kit scolded.

But try as she might, Starpaw just couldn't do it. "My lif id ovr," she groaned. It wasn't fair. She could never be her own cat. Starkit's Prophecy would always hang over her like a dead goose.


	3. Very Short Chapter Where Nothing Happens

**Thks fur reviwin!**

Starkit was sitting in the entrance to the apprentices' den. All the other 'paws were there too. They were all asking her if she wanted to go on pattrol with them, and they ignored her no matter how many times she yelled. "SHUT UP!" So now she was ignoring them, too. Hah.

:)paw was being annoying and loudly reading all of Starpaw's flams.

"Does 'Wut…' count as a flam?" she asked.

"Just 'Wut…'?" said Baconpaw.

"Yep, that's it."

"Sure."

"Okay. 'Wut…'"

"OHMYGOSH!" Lookoverthere screamed. "LOOKOVERTHERE!"

Because while Starkit had been being apenticed, Clawstar had gathered up a bunch of his clan and evilly decided to attack the camp.

"We will capture your Starkit!" he yelled as he barged into camp.

All of the clan screamed.

Starpaw leapt to her feet. "Yes, please capture me!"

Clawstar frowned. "Um, okay. You're supposed to fight though."

"Just capture me!" Starpaw said. "Plz!"

Clawstar ran at Starpaw. Starpaw's legs flung out to all sides and started clawing like crazy.

"Stoppit, you stupid legs!" she growled.

"We'er good fihgters!" they squealed.

The clan cheered as Starpaw clawed all the warriors and they all ran away!

"Ooh, ooh, listen to this flam!" said :)paw eagerly. "'THISSS STORYY IZ VARY OFENSIV!1!11 IT LOKS LIK UR MOKNG STRKITS PROPCY, AN DATTS TE BES PECE FT LITTRUTUR UF TE BES UF AL TIEM. TAK DIS STORRY DON IMEDITLY1!1!1!1!1!1 OR ELS IL TEL N U!1!1!1!1'"

Starpaw hit her head on a tree trunk over and over. "Plz kil me know," she moaned.

"Sure," said Jokepaw, and he killed her.

Everybody screamed, even BadClan who was halfway across the territory by then.

 ** _"NO SHE'S NOT SUPPOSE TO DIE YET!"_** Piestar said, very calmly.

"Oops," said Jokepaw unhelpfully. "Well, it was a joke."


End file.
